Monday, June 13, 2011

A Letter Came....

While at work on Saturday I got a text from a girlfriend that she had received her letter from Ivy Tech in the mail. I got a knot in my stomach and my heart started racing! I couldn't wait to get home and check my mailbox....

I prayed the whole way home - "Lord, your will...not mine. Your will, NOT mine." I pulled in the drive and hopped out and grabbed the mail. There in my hot little hands was a letter from Ivy Tech. I breathed deeply and closed my eyes, trying to calm my shaking hands. I even took a picture of the unopened letter (for posterity's sake, and to post to Facebook). I opened it and my eyes immediately went to the word not (and yes, that is the exact way it appeared in the text!) I wasn't in - and apparently couldn't understand the rejection letter's wording without the bold, italicized, and underlined wording. Thanks for the salt in my wound, IT!

I cried - I think I cursed. I was so upset. I had worked hard! A 4.0 GPA and an above average TEAS test score....I gave up time with family and friends, hours of required sleep, and a large chunk of my sanity. What more do they want?

Mike is in Canada and didn't answer my call. I felt alone and stupid. (I hate to call myself stupid; it is far from the truth. But that letter made me feel that way!) I didn't want to share my news with anyone, and only a few people know about it as of now. I was okay with wallowing in self pity - and letting my anger creep in and steal my joy. And I did wallow on Saturday.

I was standing in church on Sunday morning and God spoke to me in EVERY song! {He works ALL things together for MY good!} {Hallelujah! What a Savior!}

Not my will, but yours, Lord

There will be answers to this. I will see - in HIS timing - what He has for me. I was so overcome with sadness over losing the baby - but I felt that maybe school was where I was supposed to be. Now with school seeming to be gone, I'm was not sure what to do....


I applied to Valpo Ivy Tech for both programs - LPN and RN. I have only been declined for the RN. I have not yet heard about the LPN program. The same at Gary Ivy Tech. I haven't heard on either from the Gary campus.

I refuse to be down about this. If I am to be in nursing - I will be. If God has another place for me - I will be there. And, for tonight, I am okay with waiting on Him. And I will praise Him and live for Him WHILE I'M WAITING.

Psalm 25
1 To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul;
in you I trust, O my God.
4 Show me your ways, O Lord,
teach me your paths....
 my hope is in you all day long.
7....for you are good, O Lord.
10 All the ways of the Lord
are loving and faithful...
21 May integrity and uprightness protect me,
because my hope is in you.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Been a While June 5

Well....It's been a while since I've blogged. I've been busy - but I don't know what with....

The Spring semester is over, and tomorrow I start Summer semester.  I am taking Ivy Tech Life Skills - the Community College Experience. I am also taking Algebra and Trigonometry. They're both Internet courses, but I know I'll be busy and have to work hard to keep up my GPA.

I am still waiting on my {Acceptance} letter from the Nursing program at Ivy Tech. They have been delayed twice and now are set to be in the mail the middle of next week.....Did I ever mention that I abhor waiting - being in limbo? I am a planner. I love lists, calenders, and having every minute scheduled and knowing exactly what comes next. I know...CONTROL FREAK!! :) Hi, I'm Audrey and I'm anal retentive. Whew, feels great to get it out there.

I have been filling my days with busyness....and not really talking to my Father. Luckily, He is patient and gives second chances - this is my 2,890th second chance! :) I am antsy and have not let peace in, because I have been trying to take life on all by myself. I sat and read last night before bed.

Reading over how meaningless the 'priorities' of this world are. It's all a chasing after the wind. Do you know anyone who can catch the wind? I can't....Lord knows I have tried, though.

I need to get back. I am open and completely broken to God's will. I need to remind myself of this daily. I am open to the things that tug at my heart strings - the things I am {almost} afraid that God will call me to do...I think that's how He teaches us to trust.

I am a sitter at work today and have time to read, reflect, and write.....and get paid for it. Score!! :)