Monday, November 21, 2011

Mom Guilt

Oy! The beauty of being a mother - and the pressure put on to be the best and do it all, all of the time.

I had a good day at work on Saturday - we were busy and the day flew by. I stopped off at Kohl's and Yankee Candle to score freebies and get a few Christmas gifts on my way home. I arrived home ready to get a shower and hang out with the Youth Group at Pesto's and a VU Basketball game.

Then I saw I had started to spot - again. I was scared and upset and called the doctor. She asked that I come to the Hospital and get checked out. I went in immediately and called a dear friend on the way for support and prayer. All checked out fine, no dilation, no contractions, and an ultrasound showed baby girl safely inside, playing away! It was a nerve-racking 3 hours, and many calls and texts to update Mike of what was going on. I lay in the bed worrying away....when the nurse came in with a smile and gave me the all clear. She ordered bed rest for 48 hours and a few further instructions.

I walked up to my unit to give my doctor's note with the order to stay home from work the next day. And it hit me: GUILT!! I feel awful about calling off. Then, the girls reminded me that rest is exactly what I need, and it was probably doing too much at work that got me into this in the first place.... Then, I felt worse. I had caused this, brought it upon myself.

I came home and got my babies in bed (without lifting one of them!) and snuggled in to relax and put my feet up.

Bed rest sounds like a lovely little vacation from chores and having to wear anything but sweats. But for me, Type A and a touch ADHD, sitting still is not one of my strong suits! I made lists, did homework, read, and folded laundry, and ordered a maternity support belt for work - all while sitting....I felt guilty about watching Mike get the boys showered and off to church, preparing meals, cleaning up, and he also had work to catch up on.

I would do anything to keep my baby safe and healthy, but little girl is giving me a run for my money! I am still resting today. My wonderful Mother-in-Law is coming to help out with the boys and I will check in and see what the doctor wants to do next.

I am following orders and trying like crazy to keep this nagging guilt at bay! I guess I'll just enjoy being the one to be taken care of and playing with my little boys.... :)